Thanks to Rosemary who spotted this on a recent trip to Tasmania.
Part 2 – The Lazy Cyclist’s Guide to Hills!
If you’re a lazy cyclist, by now you will know that seriously lazy cyclists only ride hills in a downward direction! This can make trip planning difficult.
HILL AVOIDANCE: Having proudly graduated from lazy couch potato, the lazy cyclist quickly develops a set of hill avoidance strategies. Here are a few that are tried and tested over many kilometres of lazy cycling.
- Don’t live at the top of a hill. Hilltop seems a great place for a cyclist to live – downhill in all directions. But there’s a downside. If you start off on the bike, it’s likely you’ll have to come home on the bike. Sure, you can get off and push your trusty treadly up, but this uses up even more of your precious energy per metre than cycling. If you must live in a hilly area, living at the bottom of the hill at least ensures a comfortable glide downhill to home. Serious lazy cyclists have cycling comfort high on the list when choosing a new home.
- If you have to cycle somewhere hilly, see if there is a flatter alternative route. There may be another way which has fewer or no hills without too much extra distance. If this isn’t possible, there is sometimes another way that reduces the worst of the slope, or includes several smaller hills.
- Perhaps you enjoy a regular cycle ride with friends. Sooner or later someone will decide that the next ride will give you all a challenge and take in some serious climbing. This is when the lazy cyclist discovers a nagging injury, pressing appointment, aging relative who suddenly needs undivided attention, or an unexpected visitor from Vladivostok who can only visit exactly when the ride is on. The lazy cyclist has a ready store of plausible and/or creative excuses.
If for some reason you simply can’t avoid hills, there are still strategies to help the lazy cyclist.
Downhills are the lazy cyclist’s optimum energy saving indulgence. Do you have a partner or friend who can give you a lift you up the hill? A few hills even have a one-way transport option. You can spend half an hour coasting down the Murray to Mountains Rail Trail from Beechworth, hardly touching a pedal, and a sag wagon will pick you and your bike up at Everton Station and return you to your starting point. Cycling up the trail in the opposite direction takes even a fit cyclist over an hour and a half. Similar services operate on some real mountains – like Mount Wellington near Hobart.
HILL CLIMBS: The crunch eventually comes for all lazy cyclists. There is a hill which you just have to climb. Even then, there are strategies to help you use less energy, and make it to the top. Here are a few.
If the hill is short, increase speed as you approach, while still on the flat. This extra momentum will impel you up the first part of the hill. Change gears downwards as soon as you feel a slowing and keep changing down so that you are always pedalling quickly and without too much effort.
For a longer or steeper hill, if you need to go to an easier front chain ring, change down before you need to pedal too hard. Changing gears while putting the chain under pressure is difficult and may lead to the chain coming off. Sometimes, for really steep short hills, it’s best to select your lowest gear at the very bottom of the rise.
Long hills need special perseverance! If possible, find a gear that allows you to keep going without exerting too much energy. Speed should not be a consideration. Even at 7 kilometres per hour your bike is going faster than you can walk. Keep the pedals turning at a fast ‘easy’ rate. Pedal fast not hard – it doesn’t matter if your legs give the impression of your nana’s Mixmaster. If you feel yourself flagging, relax and have a rest stop. Water is the cyclist’s friend, so have a good drink, and maybe a snack before taking off again. Look back down the road and see how far you have come. When you take off again, you’ll have renewed energy.
The lazy cyclist likes nothing better than freewheeling down a long hill. Enjoy but remember – downhills have led to many a cyclist’s downfall. Keep your eyes on the road ahead for possible potholes and other hazards. Make sure you ease off the speed before corners, especially where you can’t see what is around the bend. Easing off the speed also allows you to accelerate into the bend. This gives you a better grip on the road surface.
Despite revelling in the free ride a downhill slope gives, if there is another uphill ahead, even the lazy cyclist should pedal. This maintains speed, and helps you up the climb. Some cyclists (probably not lazy ones) even find that getting off the seat for a short distance, while they still have this momentum, gets them further up the hill before they have to slow down and change gears.
There is no hill yet invented that can be driven that a cyclist can’t walk up! If all else fails, walk. Enjoy the view and surroundings. Chat if there are other walkers and contemplate the downhill on the other side. Who knows, a friendly motorist might offer a lift. You will of course reply,
‘What me? I couldn’t possibly. I’m in training for the Tour!’
Serious lazy cyclists choose their bike with care, and make sure it’s kept in tip-top condition. If you are buying a bike, and know you will be riding up hills, choose one with plenty of low gears, three front chain wheels and a ‘granny gear’. If you have a mountain bike, consider changing to slick tyres unless you will be riding off road. The knobbly tyres that are standard, are much harder to push on smooth paths and roads. Keep your tyres fully inflated and have the bike serviced regularly. A dirty or dry chain will slow you down and make the bike much harder to push. (Hopefully, you have a mechanically-minded partner, who would love to keep your bike looking like new!)
The less you carry, the easier it is to cycle up the hill. If you’re carrying much gear, panniers keep the load balanced low down on the bike and help stability. Don’t carry more than you need.
There is one last hill-climbing tip for the lazy cyclist who wants to make hills enjoyable (if you insist). If you must ride up hills, then do it! Practise hills. Ride short rides with little hills often. Graduate to longer, harder hills. Incorporate hills into at least one ride a week. Good luck and see you on the downhill payoff!
The Lazy Cyclist
First published in Flashing Pedals June 2007
Watch this space for: The Lazy Cyclist’s Guide to Wind
the first thing you do each morning is check the wind direction and weather so you can decide where to ride and what to wear.
This offer popped into the in-box -“we’re pleased to offer you a $200 discount off of any two bicycles purchased together, or a single tandem!”
Isn’t a ‘single tandem’ an oxymoron?
“As a kid I had a dream – I wanted to own my own bicycle. When I got the bike I must have been the happiest boy in Liverpool, maybe the world. I lived for that bike. Most kids left their bike in the backyard at night. Not me. I insisted on taking mine indoors and the first night I even kept it in my bed.” John Lennon
I rarely get punctures but have now had several (5!!!) in the space of a couple of weeks. The first was on the way home from a Wednesday ride. Paul (always a gent) pumped enough air to get me home where I replaced the tube in the comfort of the garage. Last week I was not so lucky. The tyre was getting flat out near Lara, so I tried to pump it up. Pump issues – the second time in a couple of months. After changing the tube, I could only get a small amount of air into the tyre – enough to get me to the coffee shop. (Coffee is a priority for the Lazy Cyclist!)
The station was nearby and, cursing not having my Myki, I decided to try that option. As the train was almost an hour away, I had another try (finding a leaking seal in the pump) and managed to put enough air into the tyre by sealing the pump with my hand to get home.
Once again, I cursed the tight tyres – the new rims are slightly deeper than the last ones and I have great difficulty wrenching the tyre from the rims. Once again, I thoroughly checked the tyre for glass and other embedded objects but found nothing. Once again I replaced the tube.
For around 150 km it was plain sailing. I had the bike serviced, mentioning the issue with punctures. Simon and David, the trusty mechanics, also found nothing in the tyre.
On Friday morning (yesterday!) I planned a ride to Wallington and Drysdale… flat tyre again. By this time, I’d changed the tube 4 times! Every time I checked the tyre for embedded objects. This time I found a tiny piece of wire on the outside of the tyre – and removed it. Fixed the puncture – off again on the ride, hoping the problem was fixed.
This morning – flat again. As I had a deadline, I jumped on another bike and made my rehearsal in time. When I returned home, I once again removed the tyre (it’s looking a bit worn where I’ve woman-handled it off the rim). This time I brought a magnifying glass to assist with finding the offending object. Bingo! A very small piece of fine gauge wire – only a couple of mm long – was the culprit. After a couple of goes I managed to extricate the offender. The tyre is once again back in place, fully pumped up and, hopefully, the bike will be ready to ride for Stella’s Drysdale romp tomorrow morning.
If you see me at 8:30AM – hopefully the problem is solved. If not…
I’m off now to patch a couple of tubes…
WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE REAR TYRE THAT GOES FLAT?
Sexist? Yes. Funny? Have a look and you decide. This is an extremely old one – as seen on the Paul Hogan Show.
This is so old that it pre-dates our mandatory helmet laws. But a helmet may have saved a life here!
Count the female cyclists. The ratio of female cyclists is a good measure of a safe cycling culture. Next time you’re out on cycling (or driving) do your own informal survey of the cyclists you see. How does Geelong/your town fare in this measure of cycle-friendliness?